Our children may, many times, question our actions.
Perhaps those tiny fingers have felt our actions when they touched
things that could hurt them. Bottoms of our children may have
felt our actions when they have run into the street or done something
to warrant discipline. We do this because we love our children
and want to keep them safe. As the saying goes, "Actions
speak louder than words."
You have heard, no doubt, of "tough love"
and wondered how parents could really do that. However, when it
is best for a child, you can follow through. One day my husband
and I put the action of "tough love" into effect. With
heavy hearts, tears in our eyes, and in voices trembling with
pain, we told our son to get out of our home and our lives. As
I closed the gate and he drove away, he called back to me, "Mom,
I'm your son! How can you do this to me?" Mom's answer, "Because
we love you, that's why."
Our son, Craig, in his early twenties was a cocaine
addict. He had tried several times to overcome his addiction,
and, thinking we were helping, we stuck by him through numerous
treatment programs. Our bank account reflected our efforts. Our
health was suffering due to sleepless nights, upset stomachs,
stress, etc. We often had times of happiness when we felt Craig
was on the road to recovery, and, then, it would start all over
again.
We had heard about "tough love" but
could not turn our backs on Craig. "That might work for some
parents but not us! If we just support him, he'll be able to overcome
his problem." How blind we had become! At what point we made
the decision to try "tough love," I do not recall; time
or date is not important. With love for Craig and a prayer for
guidance, we faced Craig with these words, "Son, you have
to leave. Get out! We cannot help you anymore. You have to help
yourself." His dad said, "Craig, when you are serious
about getting well and have been clean for a year, you can come
home, but not until then."
As that year went by we turned away when we happened
to see him in a store. Really, what we wanted to do was run and
hug him, but you could not! Larry and I both worked in law enforcement,
and many times we looked at a handcuffed person in the back of
a patrol car, hoping it was not Craig. What a hard year! We talked
about the phone call we might get and a voice saying, "We've
arrested your son because he killed someone in a drug deal,"
or "Please come to the morgue and identify a body; we think
it may be your son." How would that news be given to grandparents?
The path our son was traveling would no doubt lead to one end
DEATH!
However, with 1 Peter 5:7 our daily thoughts,
we found a renewed faith in our Lord, and He held our hands all
the way. Christian family members of an addicted person
- whether it be drugs, alcohol, gambling, tobacco use, or whatever
the addiction - can take the Lord's hand, reach out and grasp
it. When you do, the road will not be so bumpy, and you will be
surprised how the SONSHINE of His love will brighten your
world.
It has been seventeen years since we took Craig
back into our lives. In that time, I have written "Our Story,"
and, if you would like to read it, just let us know. You will
cry and rejoice as we have, but, when all is said and done, rejoicing
is what we do these days. Craig is now 41, married with four children,
and, the best part is that he is a member of the Lord's church
- as are his wife and two of their sons. God does answer prayers!
-Rt. 2 Box 177, Belington, WV 26250. mrmrsl@meer.net